For some of us in the pagan and witchy world, Samhain is a time to honor the dead. For me, it is often dreams from family members long gone or the annual visit of a family spirit I believe to be my great grandfather. It might be sudden flashes of memories I hadn't thought of in years or a smiling recollection of an old recipe. None of this bothers me a bit, but for my eight year old son, grief can be a more regular occurrence.
My father-in-law died two years ago of lung cancer. From diagnosis to death, we had only six painful months to learn to accept the inevitable. We were with him just hours before his passing, and I believe he held on until after we left, so the kids didn't see him die. While my husband and his father had a checkered past, and I never put up with his crap, my son only knew him as a sarcastic but rather indulgent grandfather. His death deeply hurt our son who was six when his grandfather passed.
To deal with the grief, to give it time and space and boundaries, we let our son pick out a seven day candle and we lit it for him whenever he needed to remember, talk to, or cry about Grandpa. Sometimes he would be seen whispering to the candle flame, other times he would cry and get the grief out of his system. Slowly, he need the candle less and less, as he accepted the death.
If you are deeply hurt by the loss of a loved one, try creating a safe space and time to accept the grief, to acknowledge it and to deal with it. Light a candle, listen to some music or go for a walk. When the time is up, wipe away your tears and go back to your life. Grief is important, but it shouldn't rule your life. If you give your grief some boundaries, you can safely indulge in it, but also give yourself permission to put it away when the time is up.
Blessings to you and your loved ones.
Please leave a comment letting me know you want to enter a drawing for a seven card tarot reading from Kat. Also, please take a look at October's etsy feature post for ideas for honoring the dead, contacting spirits and worshiping the Ancestors.